OTHERPLANE

I am 54 years old. When I was 12, my father was killed in a car accident leaving my mother, a 6 week old brother and a 10 year old brother. My mother died about 18 years ago and did not want me at her side while she was dying - only my brothers. I was crushed and felt as if it must be my fault and felt guilty for having done something to offend my mother (even though, that was not the case). As a child, I was always responsible for my wrong and my brothers wrong doings. My parents thought I should be keeping them on the right track and it was always my fault. Hence, I still feel guilty about things which I am not in control of. Well, to make a long story short, my mother told my brothers that I was not their sister. And, that I would never be able to find out. When my brother said this to me, things popped into my head instantly. Such as, there are no baby pictures of me (unlike all other family members). I remembered an aunt by marriage telling me that a grandmother helped with black-market babies with the doctor who delivered me. I remembered a biology class where we took in information about our parents, color of eyes, hair, blood type and seeing how this showed I was not my parents child (at the time I made light of it because I thought mother surely had given me some wrong information--even though when I asked her she assured me it was right).

I remembered seeing my parents marriage license and the date was after my birth and of seeing my birth certificate and it showed me as legitimate. I remembered my mothers maiden name on it as Casey and having seen Rodeck on her marriage license. She had once told me that her step father was Casey, Joe. Plus other things that made me realize that mom had not wanted me there at her death even though I had always been the one to help with working hard for her (and my brothers never having to do work), giving her money to help her finances (and she did not want from my brothers) and providing her with vacations and anything she wanted.

My birth records are being investigated by children & family services right now. It would seem that I was a black-market baby and very much need some help from the heavens to guide me.

Tue, 02 Feb 99, Otherplane's reply to reader:

Hats off! It was very nice of you to help your mom even though you knew that you were not biologically related to the family. There must be thousands like you who will probably never get to meet their real parents/family or even experience family life. The past is already behind you. Use that to guide you forward and don't look back. Your mom's reasons was her own and you have to respect that. We are hoping that you will someday be able to meet your real family.