OTHERPLANE

I just stumbled upon your web site and I find it to be very interesting and exciting. I have always been fascinated by anything that is out of the ordinary.

My mother died two years ago this past June of cancer. She and I had always had a very difficult relationship with each other with the exception of the last few years of her life. I was adopted by her and my father when I was 5 days old and I don't think I was who or what they had expected me to be which caused a lot of problems. In the long run though I think I am turning out pretty good.

My question is, since her death, instead of finding more peace within myself with regard to her I am finding it more and more difficult to think of her at all. Lately I have been wondering though if she is around me and if she realizes how difficult everything was for me while I was growing up. A friend of mine told me that she could feel her around me in my home and I have to tell you the truth, that made me very uncomfortable. I do believe in God and I do believe that I have always had guardian angels protecting me throughout my life. I have a vision of them in my heart and my mind that sometimes I am able to tap into and feel their warmth and receive their messages. This may sound silly but I really do feel this from time to time.

My mother is not one of those warm thoughts or feelings though. I guess I am trying to figure out a way to forgive her for a lot of things that happened. I have tried to do this in other more conventional, therapeutic ways but I feel stuck and unable to let it all go. I don't know if there is anything that you could say of tell me that may help but I thought I would give it a try. Thank you for listening.

Fri, 26 Mar 99, Otherplane's reply to reader:

You know, sometimes we wonder about our new generation of kids, if they're heading the right direction or just to be born and wonder what every passing day might bring them. Being raised by a strict family but if we were to compare that experience with the rest of our friends, they would say that we got it made. We can question that for all time. Now that we have our own kids (grown-ups), then they did then to what we consider bad was the best that they could do for what they knew. With that, we combin that experience with our own judgement and pass it on to our kids. Hopefully, the results will be healthy strong individuals that can stand alone by themselves.

And yet, we encounter people who have experienced suffering from their parents, sometimes we even wonder if that is the real parent or not. The impact to the recipient was so emotionally overwhelming. Did they survive? Some didn't but most did. How? One day at a time. How? A having a better understanding of yourself and where you're going and how you plan to enjoy the rest of your life. One morning you will wake up and you will smell that fresh air of reality looking towards the future.

The past, your known mom and your uneventful experience with her must be laid to rest. Just pick the ones that can/will help you in your quest for life and guidance for your children. The rest of it... just let go, because there's no need to linger on yesterday's memories. Unless you want self pity and manifest on things for others to support you. You are free from your mom... no forgiving necessary... respect her for what you have learned from her. Remember just the flicker of the good times. She is happy where she is at and YOU HAVE TO DO THE SAME. LET IT GO!

Fri, 26 Mar 99, Reader writes: